Positively Scarred

I’m mad.

No, I’m beyond mad. I’m livid.

Here’s what happened:
One of my sister’s BFFs is moving away. So, they had a party for her at my sister’s mom’s house. All cool, right? So today as I’m browsing Facebook I come across her other BFFs status. It’s the standard “Last night was fun, we’re going to miss you ____” shit. There’s a comment. I read it.

It’s one of the girls who attended the party. And she basically said, in not so many words, that she drove home. Drunk.

Cue alarms going off in my head. Cue instant anger. Cue “they should fucking know better” reaction.

My sister, of all people, should fucking know better than to let someone she knows get behind the wheel drunk. And she better damn well know she shouldn’t do it herself.

I know it’s kind of ridiculous for me to be as pissed off as I am. But it’s common sense. This “it will never fucking happen to me” attitude is bullshit. Because it does happen. It’s happening NOW. Right under their noses.

How could they let her? Granted, nothing happened, she made it home. She’s safe. But REGARDLESS, how DARE they allow that to even be an option.

And the kicker? MY SISTER’S MOTHER WAS THERE. She let it happen, also. Someone who is supposed to be a RESPONSIBLE ADULT let a girl who IS UNDER LEGAL DRINKING AGE leave DRUNK to drive home.

I can’t even wrap my head around all this. I’m so mad. I’m livid. I’m pissed. I’m upset.

I cried. I cried to my mom and step dad. I told them how pissed off it made me feel. My step dad called her and at the end of the conversation said, “I have to talk to you when you get home.”

I posted a passive aggressive status on Facebook, which I know is ridiculous of me because that’s like yelling at a deaf person over the phone. But I’m mad.

The other thing that’s crossed my mind is how many other people did they let leave drunk? How many other friends didn’t have a designated driver? How many more lives did they put at risk?

I’m baffled. I’m upset. I’m pissed off. I’m hurt.

In the early hours of the morning on April 29th, 2011, I saw my life flash before my eyes. I veered, hit a tree, flipped my car, and proceeded to slide across pavement, dragging my hand along the then-shattered window fragments.

I suffered several broken & fractured bones in my left hand, tore the skin off my palm, and severed the main vein in my hand in half. I was transported two hours away to a hospital that specializes in injuries like mine. After several hours of debriding and having my pinkie amputated, I awoke to begin an incredibly extensive journey that would forever change my life. I awoke to my second chance at life.

Prior to this beginning, I was your typically average 23-year-old female. I worked, hung out with my boyfriend, enjoyed partying, and never thought, “it could happen to me.” But it can. And it does.

On April 29, 2011, I became a drunk driving statistic. I thank the universe everyday that I’m alive and that my biggest injury was to my hand. I’m grateful for the tree I hit, for if I hadn’t, I would have driven off the side of the road, plummeting into the creek below. I’m grateful to the paramedics, EMTs, surgeons, nurses, and police officers who were all involved that fateful night. I’m forever grateful that I’m alive and that I’ve been given the chance to share my story in hopes that it will even prevent one person from making the same mistakes.

You got lucky. Those are three words I’ve heard a lot. But it means something different each time. With those three words I’ve heard resentment, disbelief, hatred, praise, and love. I did not incur any charges against me, including a DUI. Lucky? Maybe. But not the way you think. Instead of that, I get to endure two years of surgeries, pain medication, hospital stays, physical therapy, depression, and frustration. Instead of a DUI, I have a permanent reminder of the mistake I made.

It’s been two months since the accident. I’ve already gone through several surgeries, including a few debridements, a flap surgery, and two skin grafts. I’ve spent a total of 29 days in the hospital; from April 29 - May 19, and June 1 - 8. And I’ve got many more days left to go, off and on, over the next two years. My life has been turned completely upside-down & has been shaken up. I’m managing the best I can. Somehow, I’ve remained positive & have held my head up high. But it does hurt. It does get frustrating. Some days I want to break down & give up, other days I power through, thinking, “I can do this. I got myself to this point, now I need to bring myself back.”

I definitely do not see things the same as I did before. I take everything a little more serious. My hugs last a little longer, my love has grown, and I don’t take anything for granted. Not everyone gets a second chance, and I’m sure as hell not going to waste mine.