Positively Scarred

I haven’t written anything major in a while, and with my 100th post coming up (this is number 99) I decided to write about my holiday before I hit you with something major that I’m concocting in my brain.

If you’re following me at all on Twitter, then you probably saw some tweets labeled #kittychristmas2011. But that was only about 1/4th of my Christmas celebration.

Saturday afternoon, I went to Christmas #1 at my step mom’s family’s house. Good food. I had a good time just hanging out. Not much to say other than that. It was a fairly normal gathering. My dad and I left early because he was on-call and needed to be at home in case he had to either go into work or do something remotely from his computer.

So later on in the evening we have a few beers. My step mom would NOT. QUIT. TALKING. Maybe I was just in a bad mood, but I swear she would not SHUT UP. We ended up watching A Christmas Carol (the one with Jim Carrey) and I’d hope that would make her stop. It didn’t. But whatever, it was a good movie.

Ended up heading to bed at around midnight. I maybe slept an hour and was up from roughly around 2AM until I finally crashed around 9:30PM last night. (Also note: I had only gotten about four hours of sleep Friday night.) So everyone was up and we ate breakfast right around 10AM. Gifts followed. I got some gift cards, some cute clothes, my first pair of TOMS, SF Giants earrings, a stand for my iPad 2, and… Apple TV. I have yet to set it up because it was so hectic yesterday and today I’ve been so lazy. But maybe tomorrow. Anyway, that was Christmas #2.

Christmas #3 was at my mom’s house. I arrived with my grandmother right around 1:15. We all got seated in the living room after I frantically wrapped two remaining gifts. As we got seated I learned my step brother was missing. He’d left his grandma’s house at around 12:30 the night before and had checked in on Facebook somewhere at 6AM but no one had heard from him. Local authorities were notified in 4 different counties, all the jails and hospitals were called to check if he was there, and a multitude of his friends were contacted.

Unable to do anything more, we opened gifts. Everything was wonderful and everyone enjoyed all their gifts. I received: two nose rings from my step sister’s boyfriend, a purse from my sister, loads of Tinkerbell stuff (including a collectible pin! and a sweater!), clothes, socks with spiders/spiderwebs on them and also a set with colored stripes and stars, laptop bag that’s chocolate brown with a teal design on the top, picture frames, a new shelf unit for my room, a Hoodie Buddie, baskets to put on the shelf unit, gift cards, and candy in the stocking!

After gifts were done, dinner was started and hors d’ouevres were set out. By this time it was just after 4 and my step sister got a call from her mom saying her brother had checked in somewhere on Facebook. Long story short, my step dad talked to him and he’d had a fucked up morning and had been stranded over an hour away. He had lost his phone, and then found it, and then it was dead, so he called the moment he had gotten his phone to turn on.

More family came over and we ate (well, I didn’t eat because I was so tired that I wasn’t hungry at all) and just sat around and visited. The football game was on TV. My step brother FINALLY showed up around 5:30. He gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek which he NEVER does, which shows how freaked out we all were.

I finally got to rest and lay on my bed just after 7PM after all the relatives left and my step siblings left to their mom’s house. By 9:30, I was out.

Merry Christmas.

As I stated in a previous post, I’ve never really been single more than a few months at any given particular time. This means I’ve always been in a serious relationship or casually dating someone every year during the holidays. I’ve always had someone to spend New Years Eve and share a New Years Kiss with… I’ve always had someone to exchange gifts with… I’ve always had someone to curl up next to on the couch and watch holiday themed movies with…

So now that I don’t have that, I’m torn between happy and depressed. Happy because, of course, I need to learn to be by myself and to spend time on my own, without a significant other. Depressed because I’ve always enjoyed the holidays. I enjoy driving around and looking at Christmas lights, curling up by the fire, sipping holiday drinks at Starbucks, snuggling under a mountain of blankets, and just sharing my holiday cheer with another person.

And for a split second, I thought maybe I’d have someone to partake in all my yuletide merriment, but then that turned out to be a false hope.

I don’t find myself feeling holly jolly and I just want to get through this season without wanting to strangle people wearing their Santa hats or reindeer sweaters.

I think the only thing I can do at this point is to try and find my Christmas spirit. I’ll partake in the festivities and I’ll play some reindeer games, but I’m probably going to end up crying into my hot cocoa.

Can we just fast forward? Let’s skip Valentine’s day, too, because if I’m this much of a crybaby at Christmas, then I’m going to be the epitome of Forever Alone at Valentine’s Day.