Positively Scarred

It’s late, I’m feeling nostalgic, and lost, and sleepy, and like I need more antacid/calcium tablets (aka generic Tums) because this acidic sensation just won’t go away.

Mostly what I’m thinking about is all the friends that have come and gone, those that have stuck around, etc. I realized, within these past couple weeks, I was a recluse to some extent. I only wanted to be out or to do things if it involved The Ex. I probably missed some awesome opportunities to do some shit but I can’t change the past, can I? All I can do is move forward…

I’ve never really been good at making friends. I mean, yeah, I’m awesome as an internet buddy, but making friends in the real world? Not my strongest point. So when I was invited to be a plus one to an event five hours from home, overnight, with two people I haven’t met in person (and only one of which I’ve spoken with at all), and one who I’m not SUPERCLOSE with but consider to be a good friend, I practically tripped over my feet and fell out the window trying to grasp the opportunity and hit the “yes” button. Because what fun is life if I go around denying invitations because it’s outside my comfort zone?

I will probably be in a constant state of “what if they don’t like me?” the entire week before the event, and “omg do they like me?” the weekend of the event… but somehow I think this will be worth it.

I’d like to think of myself as a kitten who was just abandoned by her owners because I’m growing up and they don’t want me now that I’m not a cute baby anymore. I just want a good home. A group of friends, or maybe even just a few friends—it doesn’t have to be a whole group!—that I can call my own and be able to do stuff with and feel accepted.

I’m going to challenge myself… To do different things with different people. To have more fun. To just be a more sociable person.