Positively Scarred

As I stated in a previous post, I’ve never really been single more than a few months at any given particular time. This means I’ve always been in a serious relationship or casually dating someone every year during the holidays. I’ve always had someone to spend New Years Eve and share a New Years Kiss with… I’ve always had someone to exchange gifts with… I’ve always had someone to curl up next to on the couch and watch holiday themed movies with…

So now that I don’t have that, I’m torn between happy and depressed. Happy because, of course, I need to learn to be by myself and to spend time on my own, without a significant other. Depressed because I’ve always enjoyed the holidays. I enjoy driving around and looking at Christmas lights, curling up by the fire, sipping holiday drinks at Starbucks, snuggling under a mountain of blankets, and just sharing my holiday cheer with another person.

And for a split second, I thought maybe I’d have someone to partake in all my yuletide merriment, but then that turned out to be a false hope.

I don’t find myself feeling holly jolly and I just want to get through this season without wanting to strangle people wearing their Santa hats or reindeer sweaters.

I think the only thing I can do at this point is to try and find my Christmas spirit. I’ll partake in the festivities and I’ll play some reindeer games, but I’m probably going to end up crying into my hot cocoa.

Can we just fast forward? Let’s skip Valentine’s day, too, because if I’m this much of a crybaby at Christmas, then I’m going to be the epitome of Forever Alone at Valentine’s Day.