Positively Scarred

If you’re following me on Twitter, then you probably have seen my tweets of self-loathing and whining. My short-lived relationship ended. The details are neither here nor there, and all I’ll say is it wasn’t meant to be and was likely to end anyway.

I will say this: I was falling. Hard. It’d been just under three months since we started seeing each other. At first I was shy about my feelings, then started warming up. I fell head over heels, or so the saying goes.

I’m trying to get back into the mentality of being single, of not having someone around, and having new/going back to old routines. In the short time we were dating, I’d only seen him once a week because of distance and his work schedule. I really looked forward to our dates each week and I’m really going to miss that time with him.

But when it’s not right, it’s not right. I’m not angry at all, just sad. I deleted him from my phone contacts and from Facebook because, in all honesty, I can’t deal with seeing his posts and I certainly can’t be tempted to contact him. Maybe one day we’ll be friends again or something. I don’t know.

All I know is that now, I’m going back to my original plan of just being single. Alone. For a while. Until I can recover from rejection and get over things that have happened to me, not just recently but in all of my dating history. So, in the meantime, I will stick close to home. I won’t pursue dating. I’ll surround myself with positive people, with books, with coffee and movies, with whatever I want at that moment.

And I won’t be lonely. I will use this time to learn about myself. To expand my interests. To learn to love myself.

And when I’m ready, I’ll try again. But for now, living simple and being alone is for the best.