May 2012
5 posts
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Lumos.
I’ve been kind of neglecting this blog because I felt I haven’t had enough to write about. I want these posts to be clear, concise, and meaningful. I’ve been putting off writing this particular post because I wanted my head to be clear when I wrote it, but then I realized it wouldn’t be clear until I DID write it.
Weekend before last, I ventured of to Los Angeles to meet...
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Lessons Learned.
I’ve written a lot here about my physical scars, and I’ve touched on the emotional ones. I feel the need to go into the emotional part a bit more considering the kind of day I’ve been having and the events over the past 24 hours or so.
This is my safe space. This blog is my home. These are all true facts about my life, my real feelings, my real life lessons. Nothing anyone can...
On Social Relationships.
One of the major things I have learned, and changed, over the past year of my life is how I deal with relationships (of all kinds). I’m the type of person who wants to be well liked and who tries to see the best in everyone. If we meet, if we have any communication at all, I want to be your friend. And if you have mental or emotional issues or exhibit any negative behavior, I want to help...
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SCARS.
I appreciate my body, thoroughly. It’s been through so much in the past year… I’ve grown to love and accept my body, flaws and all.
Note: Slightly risque photos ahead. Proceed with caution.
[[MORE]]
I love my battle scars. Top left: Patches are from skin grafts, long scar is from tissue/fascia replacement. Top right: Scars from nerve graft. Bottom two: Just perspective on...
April 2012
6 posts
One Year.
A couple weeks ago my mom asked me to stay home “not next weekend, but the weekend after.” That weekend was this weekend. At first I was confused as to why, but after about a minute I realized why she wanted me to stay home.
It’s been one year since my accident. I won’t lie and say I’m happy because I actually woke up today feeling quite sad. I’ve thought about...
This Sunday will mark one year since my accident.
Expect a post about it.
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Self-Evolution
I’ve taken a long time away from writing. Not because I don’t know what to write, but because I just have hard time getting all my thoughts out. I have a million thoughts floating around in my head about what I could write, but when I go to write it, it comes out as… well, a tweet basically.
I’d like to know when it became so hard to write something coherent and detailed....
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VersaEmerge - The Authors
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Bar Tales, part 1
I remember one time I went to the bar with friends after a particularly long shift at work. It was early on in the night, still, so the bar was quieter than normal since the DJ hadn’t started up yet. I was standing near an empty seat at the bar, waiting for the bartender to come by and take my drink order. The man sitting at the bar next to me took notice of me. He was probably only a few...
March 2012
6 posts
Vote for my essay so I can win a scholarship!... →
mysoulcanbreathe:
Just click the link and you’ll be able to vote for my essay. You don’t need to sign up for anything. All you do is click the vote button. It literally takes five seconds. If my essay is the most popular, I’ll win $5,000.
any reblogs would be appreciated :)
Breaking my no-reblog rule once again. For a good cause. This girl really deserves to win. All I’m asking of you...
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Day 16 - A Song You Used to Love But Now Hate
[Note: I started this 30 day challenge last year. It was so simple to get through the first 15 but then I got stumped and distracted. But since I’m now in a different place, I suppose I’ll finish the last 15. This one had me stumped for a while, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. Also, I don’t *hate* this song, necessarily, but it’s not one of my favorites anymore.]
When...
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Hot & Cold
I’m forever in a vicious cycle of sleep and non-sleep; I am awake for anywhere from 18 - 27 hours, then crash for 13 or more. Then I begin again. I can’t seem to put myself right again. I have tried and tried, but I always fuck it up again.
My dreams don’t help, either. I’m always caught in a whirlwind of friends I never see and post-apocalyptic worlds. I thought after...
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Tuning Back In...
When I last left you, I was feeling “meh” about my birthday—a day that I’m usually so excited about. Well, it DID end up being really low-key and I seriously couldn’t have enjoyed it any more than I did. I got to sleep ALL day on my actual birthday which is how I wanted to spend it.
My dad is feeling better. He went back to work yesterday and he’s doing a lot...
February 2012
4 posts
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I'm going to be 24... Meh.
In just a week (six days, actually), I’ll celebrate my 24th birthday. It feels kind of weird to say that. Twenty-four. I still feel like I’m in high school; I don’t feel like I’ve aged at all. Yet, I feel so old… Like I’ve already lived a full life so everything between now and death is just time passing me by. That sounds kind of depressing.
I kind of...
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Daddy
I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned in previous posts about how close my dad and I are. He’s been my rock and my voice of reason when things weren’t so great with my mom and I. As I get older, I realize more & more what a cool daddy I have and how lucky I am to have such an awesome man in my life.
So naturally when I found out he had to have surgery, I was a little scared....
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15 Things to be Happy About Right at This Moment
I’ve been in a slump the past few days, and last night I was at my worst. I was incredibly lonely and frustrated with every single detail of my so-called life. I haven’t been to bed yet (going on 17 hours of awake time as I write this). I decided to help me out of my slump to post 15 things I’m currently happy about. Maybe it will work, maybe it won’t. But at least I can...
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Learning to Date
“You aren’t going to find the ‘right’ person now, babe. You’ve still got way too much work to do on yourself. Your options are to date no one, or to keep dating with the purpose of learning, not falling.”
A very wise friend of mine said the above quote to me a few months ago relating to a bad dating experience I had. “Bad” as in it just ended on...
January 2012
2 posts
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Oh Look, an Update.
I’m not starting off 2012 so well as far as this blog goes. My intention was to make a post right after New Years recapping last year. But since it’s almost the end of the month I’ll just skip that since a majority of last year has been written about it and there’s no sense repeating things I’ve said twenty times already. So, instead I’ll just make this a life...
December 2011
15 posts
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Forgiveness: An Ending to 2011
With New Years Eve celebrations upon us, and this being my 100th post, I’ve decided to end the year by talking about forgiveness. The world itself means “the act or process of forgiving, or being forgiven.” But it’s not just a word, it’s a feeling. When you forgive someone who has wronged you, or are forgiven by someone you have wronged, you feel an overwhelming sense...
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Christmas 2011
I haven’t written anything major in a while, and with my 100th post coming up (this is number 99) I decided to write about my holiday before I hit you with something major that I’m concocting in my brain.
If you’re following me at all on Twitter, then you probably saw some tweets labeled #kittychristmas2011. But that was only about 1/4th of my Christmas celebration.
Saturday...
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Day 15 -- A Song That Describes You
I’m on the verge of being 24 and I have already been through so much. More than I let on and a lot of it still effects me to this day, whether it be predominant in my current life or not. I don’t know if I could sum it up in a blog post. Maybe a series.
I have mentioned before that I struggle with social situations and relationships, and that I have suffered from anxiety and...
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Day 14 -- A Song That No One Would Expect You To...
If you’ve been keeping up, then you know that many of my posts have been about my accident, my recovery, and my personal struggles. If you don’t know that, then take a moment to go read this first post and then come back.
Music has been a very big part of my life for as far back as I can remember. I’ve always related songs, lyrics, artists to a particular person, experience, or...
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Serendipitous Moments
You ever have a really coincidental moment with another person? Such as you first meet them and you find out you attended the same school, or you knew one of their relatives long ago, or you share something with them. I’m talking like a really uncanny moment where you just thought, “Wow, that’s such a major coincidence.”
I had one of those moments today.
I went to church...
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The Internet Has Real People
I’ll be the first to admit that most of my friendships begin on the Internet. I do have friends in the ‘real world’ but I hold my internet friendships in high regards. Very rarely do these Internet friendships manifest themselves in person, but when they do, I cherish them because this person knows me on a different level than my ‘real world’ friends. So when Internet...
Day 13 -- A Song That is Your Guilty Pleasure
I am 23 years old and I still watch cartoons, I love juice boxes, I sleep with a teddy bear [most nights], and I love teenybopper music. In fact, I love just about all the music that a 23 year old shouldn’t really love. There’s probably like a secret society of women where it’s acceptable to listen to such music, but if it exists, I don’t know about it.
I first discovered...
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Hi, My Name is...
I’ve really kept my identity secret on this blog. Mainly because I didn’t want anyone to find it by Googling my name or anything. The other reason for my anonymity was because I wanted people to associate my life and struggles and stories and wit with any Jane/John Doe. I’m now comfortable in my blogging suit to tell you the story of how I got my name.
The year was 1987 and my...
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Day 12 -- A Song From A Band You Hate
(Note: I don’t “hate” any bands, but there are bands I refuse to listen to or rarely ever listen to… this is one of them.)
I was 17 when I had my first real relationship. I remember when we first met: It was a sunny April day and my friend and I decided to hit up the mall, as teenagers do. We entered in from the food court and the first stop we made was in the arcade. In...
In Memory
I can’t handle today. I feel a serene calmness in the air, but also panicky. Like something should happen. Then I think on it a moment and I remember something has happened.
Sometimes I feel as though I’ve been dreaming this whole time and that I’ll wake up soon and find this was all a dirty trick played by my subconscious. But I never wake up. It’s real and it happened....
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Jack’s Mannequin - The Mixed Tape
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Medical Update
So here’s what’s been going on in the medical portion of my world:
I went a couple weeks ago for another follow up appointment at my doctor’s office in San Francisco. He seemed really excited and anxious for the next step. So we set up a plan to do my next surgery after the new year begins that way I can spend the holidays at home with my family and friends.
When I go for my...
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I've Got the Single During the Holiday Blues
As I stated in a previous post, I’ve never really been single more than a few months at any given particular time. This means I’ve always been in a serious relationship or casually dating someone every year during the holidays. I’ve always had someone to spend New Years Eve and share a New Years Kiss with… I’ve always had someone to exchange gifts with…...
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Dads and Thongs
I was still at the age where my parents would do my laundry for me. Actually, my mom and I would combine our laundry together because we lived in apartments and the laundry room was down the street. No big deal. However, at my dad’s house, my step mom would go into my room when I wasn’t home and bring down my laundry basket and was my clothes for me.
So in a sense, I was independent...
November 2011
13 posts
Suggestions?
For those of you who read this, I’d like to ask you for suggestions on topics you’d like to read about or what sort of things you’d like to see me write. I’ve been getting stuck on topics. I’ve tried writing a few different things, but there are a few things I either A) can’t bring myself to write about or B) I get too emotional about it and the words fall apart...
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Day 11 -- A Song From Your Favorite Band
(Note: I’ve already written about a song from my favorite band, but here’s another for you. Because that’s how much I love them.)
At work one night in August back in 2008, I received a text message from my dad: “LeRoi Moore died.”
You’ve gotta be kidding me! No! This could NOT be happening! We were supposed to see them perform in less than a week. How!? Why!?...
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What's My Age Again?
I have flashbacks. Often.
Not the, “Oh I just remembered something funny/embarrassing/etc I did yesterday.” But I’m talking flashbacks that put me back into teenager mode and all of a sudden I am 16 again. I used to walk these city streets, my best [guy] friends at my side, skateboards in tow. I used to run rampant through parks and down neighborhood streets.
At 18 and 19,...
Anonymous asked: If I revealed myself you'd _______ (fill in the blank). Cause honestly beautiful, I have no clue what you would do. Probably nothing. What I'm inclined to think is that if I reveal myself you'll think I'm a creep or someone trying to get into your pants when I'm just an admirer that doesn't want anything except to tell you you're awesome. And you have a great...
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Day 10 -- A Song That Makes You Fall Asleep
Earlier this year I spent three weeks in the hospital due to an injury I obtained at the end of April. In the time I spent in that hospital room I mostly watched TV, did sudoku puzzles (my fave!), crossword puzzles, received shots of heparin to my stomach, pushed the black button that gave me a dose of Dilaudid, and thought. I thought a lot, actually. About my accident, my injury, how my life was...
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I'm Mean? You Just Don't Understand My Culture!
Tonight is one of those “stay indoors, chat on IRC all night” kind of nights. I don’t have a desire to go outdoors; I even broke vaguely made plans just because I really don’t feel like getting dressed or brushing my hair. Whatever.
Anyway, for those of you who don’t know what IRC is, click HERE. I’ll wait for you to be finished before moving on…
...
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"Alone" Doesn't Have to Mean "Lonely"
If you’re following me on Twitter, then you probably have seen my tweets of self-loathing and whining. My short-lived relationship ended. The details are neither here nor there, and all I’ll say is it wasn’t meant to be and was likely to end anyway.
I will say this: I was falling. Hard. It’d been just under three months since we started seeing each other. At first I was...
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Day 09 -- A Song You Can Dance To
“…I’m not tired.”
“Neither am I.”
There was a long pause. We were laying in bed next to each other, the time on the clock read well past 2:00 A.M.
“Ugh, we’re going to be miserable on the drive down there at this rate.”
“This is ridiculous. Okay, I’m going to shower, pick some oranges from outside, and we’re...
phoenixignitionme:
I wish that it could all be as easy as deleting your pictures.
Again, I try not to reblog but what I have to say about this statement takes more than the characters allowed in a reply.
It’s not easy. It’s not simple. Getting over and moving forward with your life after a break up is tough shit. Deleting the pictures doesn’t erase them from your heart....